I'm doin' this tonight,
You're probably gonna start a
fight.
I know this can't be right.
Hey baby come on,
I loved you endlessly,
When you weren't there for
me.
So now it's time to leave and
make it alone
I know that I can't take no
more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your
game for two
You may hate me but it ain't
no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it
tough,
I just wanna tell you that I
had enough.
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby,
bye, bye, bye
I had this classic N’SYNC song blasting out of our computer the morning my husband left for New Mexico. He was leaving for a work project that would have him away from us for six months. That’s a hockey season. The weepy, blubbering tears had stopped days before, so did my passive-aggressive taunts at his allegiance to his job over his family, there was no point; I could not make him stay. Instead I took a shower, put my clothes on, while quiet, surrendered tears leaked from my eyes, and played “Bye, Bye, Bye” on YouTube. Finally, I smiled. Hannah looked at me like I was crazy, which was fine, I just laughed, and enjoyed those three or four precious minutes when I could forget my love was leaving me on purpose for nearly half a year, and danced like teenager.
Thankfully, I could not be sad for long, because I had to prep myself to run a marathon the following morning. Yep, homeboy left me the day before a marathon. It wasn't his fault, his entire crew was ordered to leave a week earlier than planned, but I thought it was cruel. The upside is that it was actually a fantastic way to handle my stress, and sadness, because I had focus on the race.
Once again I had a fabulous time trouncing all over Los Angeles. I met friends at the starting line, and played "Salt Fairy GodMother" through out the hot morning dolling out my salt tabs to crippled runners cramped on the side of the road. My feet hurt more than usual, which was annoying, and slowed me down. I held on to a quick pace the first twelve miles, then lurched myself along the next ten, and finished strong the final four. There was a spectacular crowd, festive music, and thousands of runners enjoying the greatest accomplishment of their lives. I was so happy to be there.
I arrived home to an empty house, except my lovely dogs were waiting with barks, smiles, and hugs, but no husband. Oddly enough I was not sad anymore. I was not mad anymore. I was just existing, and coping with the reality that he wasn't there, and wouldn't be for a very long time. We talked on the phone about four times that day, he was proud of me, and upset that he couldn't be there to share the accomplishment, but he has a job to do. If he didn't work so hard I wouldn't able to run my many marathons, and reach for the starts to keep running more and then write all about them to share with all of you. Marion is my biggest fan, which is such a gift, I just miss him, a lot.
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