The Inception of 35 by 35

The beginning of 2012 was abysmal at best.  Marion was working 100+ hour weeks; I am not exaggerating.  He had two days off in January, the 1^st, and the Saturday after his birthday. We are both used to the Indentured Servitude way of life in the Visual effects industry, but this stint was too much, and just plain sad.  That said, he finished his project in early March, so we jumped at the opportunity to escape for a few days with our two dogs up to a gorgeous camp ground in the mountains above Santa Barbara called Lake Cachuma.

 

I was happy to be having some quality time together, but I was incredibly anxious from the moment we left the house, and just felt off. I could not sleep the first night, I felt trapped by both the wooden walls of the cabin, and tormented by my own thoughts of what my life had become. I felt that my identity was purely about taking care of Marion’s child, being supportive of his career, and along the way had failed to realize my own dreams of becoming a professional triathlete. 

 I brought my road bike and trainer so that I could pedal away indoors, the campsite was right off of a busy highway that I did not feel comfortable riding on, plus the wind was insane, but I was training for another Ironman coming up in St. George, so I had to get the work done one way or another. Marion spent much of the first day searching for a fishing spot, he found a good one, but not many fish.  I was spending my free time reading a wonderful book called Second Wind, One Woman’s Midlife Quest To Run Seven Marathons On Seven Continents written by the marvelous Cami Ostman.  I appreciated the adventures Cami underwent in her book because she was a “real” runner, not an elite athlete, and she took on incredible challenges to both start and finish the races. I was impressed and inspired.

The second morning of our trip Marion wanted to go fishing early, which was fine, but our dogs, especially our boy, Marzen, were in rare, annoying form. He was barking and pacing the cabin, and for the life of me, I could not figure out how to make him calm down.  Slowly, then all of sudden I cracked.  I grabbed my notebook and wrote down a manifesto of how my life was a complete failure, I had no idea who I was anymore, and I did not want to go on one more second when Marion walked through the door.  Poor guy, I was a wet, crying mess sitting on the couch, while our dogs were howling and pacing like caged hyenas. He knelt down next to the dogs, pleaded with me to calm down, and then took the dogs outside to see if they had to go to the bathroom.  Apparently, his instincts were right; Marzen just needed a good poop to bring him back down to earth. I was still in hysterics when the three of them walked back into the cabin, Marion sat next to me and listened to all I had to say, even though much of it must have hurt his ears, he told me I could do whatever I wanted, but I had no idea what that would be.  I decided to go for a run, because clearly I needed some fresh air, and I needed to burn some anxiety.  That run was windy, dusty, and not fun at all, but it completely turned my attitude around, and woke me up.  The key to my happiness was running. It was the one part of my life that I had complete control over, was all my own, and could depend on to give me clarity. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading Cami’s book and cooking up a plan that would give me purpose, so that I could continue living my every day for Marion and Hannah while maintaining my own identity.

The final morning of our “relaxing” vacation, was my first real trail run around Lake Cachuma.  It was beautiful, a little scary because I was not sure where I was going, but the air was still, my mind was clear, and my legs were moving, perfect.

 I told Marion about my plan to run thirty five marathons by the time I turned thirty five and write a book about it all ten minutes after we pulled out of the Lake Cachuma Campsite. He never flinched at the idea being a bit much, this is because I would need to run fourteen marathons within two and a half years, he just said, “Okay, get going.” I stared out the window overwhelmed with bliss, both because this quest felt right, and because I knew once again that Marion was the perfect match for me.